Cracker Ass Comedy - Online Comedy Broadcasting. Cardiff

Email is a wonderful thing. It allows us to communicate almost instantaneously around the globe, whether you are sending your latest holiday pictures to a relative in Australia or falling for a scam perpetrated by a shady Nigerian prince who seems really friendly. Email will get results.

However, being a webmaster of an increasingly not-for-profit website that receives thousands of hits daily, I tend to get a bit of everything. For instance, not a day goes by that I don't receive an offer to increase my penis size (how did they know?) or a chance to buy very reasonably priced Viagra (how did they know?). Of course this is all broken up by the occasional badly spelled tirade of hate mail which brightens up my day no end.

So I have decided to write this article about the best and worst of my email Inbox. First up, a nice piece of mail I received after publishing the 'Brass Eye' article a few weeks ago.

Subject: crakerasscomeyd
From: xxxxxxx@msn.com
Date: 10/02/2007 22:46
To: send@crackerasscomedy.com

how do u sleep at nite sicko you think pedofiles are funny do you. i came to your webSHITE looking for comedy and wat do i get a toser trying tomake jokes about abused kids you shud b ashamed. i will tell evry1 i no never 2 look at yr stupid webSHITE and i hope u burn in hell.

How could I not reply to such a well crafted message from one of our fans?

Subject: crakerasscomeyd
From: send@crackerasscomedy.com
Date: 12/02/2007 13:12
To: xxxxxxx@msn.com

Thanks for entering crackerasscomedy's caption contest! Unfortunately, you did not win this time but as a runner-up you get to choose from one of the following 3 prizes...

1. 52" Hitachi Widescreen Lawnmower complete with adjustable appendage!

2. A trip of a lifetime to Stalingrad, Mexico to learn the art of sleuthing at the Sherlock Holmes museum with up to £500 in food vouchers!

3. Anti-gravity hat.

To claim one of these prizes, simply fill out the aquisition order form found on page four of this 6 part document and provide photgraphic evidence to comply with our legal department's rules and regulations. Once you have done this, send all pages complete with passport to your nearest post office, leaving 5 working days for each separate paragraph as stated in section 8 part 3.2

Good Luck!

Crackerbot 8.7 Z

I am still awaiting a reply on that one. The next day a fan sent this along with the short message, 'Poo Head'.

Poo Head

Then, on Valentine's Day, some kind soul was thinking of us poor shlubs at crackerasscomedy and felt inclined to send this lovely gesture.

Happy Valentines

I wish I had the time, space and will, to post some more things I get sent but I don't. I will be keeping you updated on other wonderful crap I get sent in future articles. I bet you can't wait.

Jeff Baker - 27/02/07

Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum.

This week, Cardiff City subjected Preston North End to a 4-1 drubbing at Ninian Park...

John Terry got a horrendous boot in the face during Chelsea's win over Arsenal in the Carling Cup final here in Cardiff...

And to top it off, the Arsenal and Chelsea players square off in a brawl complete with managers of both teams followed shortly by 3 red cards and a couple of bookings. Quite a weekend for sport.

Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum

Dan and Neil 19

I have just returned from Iceland. It is a pristine, spectacular and mystical place. It's clean, the people are friendly and the water is as pure as an angel's tears. Sadly, I had to come back to the floating turd that is Britain. Though it's not all bad. Booze is cheap and the pigeon population is thriving on an abundant diet of inner-city, post-binge vomit.

Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum

The classic Abbot and Costello sketch 'Who's on first base'?

The best way to feed the homeless...

A cat video...

Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum

The Kaiser Chiefs hit the number one spot this week with Ruby.

Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum.