In a hundred years time, the importance of the discovery of Email and 'teh Internets' will no doubt be taught at schools but I'm guessing they will more than likely forget about the ins and outs of spam email. Probably for the best considering the type of email that seem to flood into my inbox by the bucketload.

Viagra
You have no idea how many times I have seen this advert.

I literally get the above sent to me in spam at least 12 times a day. This is due to the fact that each page of crackerass has at least one email link on it and it's easy enough for a 'bot' to crawl the site, sending random shite directly to my 'deleted' folder, as my email client's spam filter is not fooled by it. At least, I hope it's just bot crawlers. The other option is that they sneak into my bedroom at night and note down my coital failings and prescribe the cure for it anonymously via email.

As I write this article, 5 copies of the next email have been diligently removed from my inbox by my spam filter. I couldn't bring myself to post the whole email right here on the front page so click here to view it. Please note the testimonials from their American customers who seem unable to string a together sentence coherent. Hell, maybe it is genuine.

Here's another email that graces my spam folder with monotonous regularity.

Subject: Order replica Rolex online!
From: Dexter Bishop <workday'squearwheels@phreaker.net>
Date: 21/05/2007 17:46
To: send@crackerasscomedy.com

VIP R_E_P_L_I_C_A W_A_T_C_H_E_S!

If you looking for stylish, quality costume watch low price, the offers you! We specialize up top quality replica watches. Wearing these expensive looking watches is a prestigious. Michael Douglas wear watches. Buying on the models you will save you a tons of money and always look trendy.

Offer free gift box with every VIP watch ordered. You can use it as a lovely gift for you wife or relatives or keep your gorgeous watch there. No matter what you do your watch, youenjoy.

Offering up Michael Douglas as a fashion role model wasn't even their first mistake. Not even their third or fourth. The big problem I have with this email is that while it's total nonsense and completely incomprehensible, I bloody understood it.

That's quite enough for one week as I'm sick of trawling through my spam. I suspect my dreams will now be of erectile dysfunction and the timepiece buying habits of ageing Hollywood millionaires.

Jeff Baker - 27/07/07

Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum.

This week, marvelous local comic and all round good-egg Wes Packer landed a contract with comedy agent Mirth Control. Good on yer mate, just don't forget us chumps at crackerass when you're off playing The Comedy Cavern in Barnstaple.

Excellent children's hospice charity Ty Hafan are the new beneficiary of The Welsh Comedy Festival!

A couple of great exam paper responses here.

The Fat Bastards Opening Night Challenge is open to all comers.

Cracker Ass Comedy.com is one year old! Check out the state of the site's finances. It's not like I'm having a party or anything but click here to congratulate us for all the hard work or to say you hate us.

Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum

Dan and Neil 26...

Archaeology. OK, what we’re going to do is take twenty people in corduroy trousers with beards (including the women) and those glasses that make your eyes like half the size they actually are. Then we’re going to dig a very big hole in a field in the middle of nowhere in the rain. And we’re going to take ages doing it to avoid any damage to the potential “find”. Then we’re going to section areas off with lots of string attached to little posts that we’ve bought from the archaeological supply shop. And we’re going to scratch around on our knees with toothbrushes for the next two weeks until we find something that could be a broken arrowhead from the 12th century but is more likely to be just an anonymous bit of flint that’s no doubt dreamt of being discovered by a bespectacled, muddy-kneed geek, for the last million years.

And while we’re on the subject, how long does a body have to be buried before it’s discovery is considered an archaeological find and not cause for a murder investigation? And that’s not a cryptic confession of guilt, either. The only thing I’ve ever buried in the ground is my guinea pig. And that was only because it was too big to flush down the toilet.

Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum

Serge out of Kasabian's wonder goal on Soccer a.m...

I bet this guy makes a fortune in pool rooms...

The Atheist delusion...

Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum

Rihanna featuring Jay-Z holds the top spot this week...

Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum.

6th - 15th July

The Welsh Comedy Festival Web site is now up and running, click the logo to go there now!