15/10/0615/10/06
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Tesco will kill us all...Every little helps. Tesco say it at the end of their adverts, "Every little helps". Like they just did something amazing when they’re talking about home insurance or something. "Insurance, half price, every little helps, ha! Yeah high five, alright!"
Tesco wont be happy until you’re born in a tesco hospital, married in a tesco church, and buried in a tesco funeral in a value fucking coffin, some flimsy cardboard shit.
I said that to my mate the other day and he said to me ‘Don’t joke about it man, if tesco keeps growing like they have in the past they’re gonna take over this country and it’ll be run by some guys you don’t know who are only interested in lining their pockets with your money’. I said ‘Well, that’s not exactly far off from what we got now’.
Sometimes I go into my local tesco to get petrol and the people behind the counter recognise me. This one girl at the till said to me the other day ‘You’re a stand up comic aint you?' I said ‘Yeah’ She goes ‘Well I’ve seen you in here a few times and you aint said anything funny.’ I said, ‘Well do you serve customers in your spare time?' It’s like going up to a beekeeper – 'Hey! I thought you were a beekeeper? Well I don’t see you keeping any bees? If I got some bees need keeping I wont be calling you man.'
I have a theory that us fatties should get our own disabled parking outside supermarkets. But not at the front of the store, way over the other end of the car park, give us chubby buggers some exercise. Jeff Baker - 05/10/06 Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum
Biff from Back to the Future says he always gets asked the same old questions. So he wrote a song about it, like you do.
This is a matter of national security and you would be doing your duty as a patriot to view this video and see if you recognise any of the terrorists mentioned here.
Miss Millies on City Road right here in Cardiff has seen it's fair share of practical jokes perpertrated by drunkards. Here's a typical Friday night.
Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum
I guarantee that this song, Santa Cruise, will be number one this yuletide. Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum.
The very first Cracker Ass Comedy podcast covers such wide ranging subjects as excrement euphemisms and unvoluntary homelessness. Enjoy. Dan and Neil, podcast numero sixo. Can rabbits swim? Can rabbits replace men in the bedroom? Join us on another journey into the world of the innapropriate. Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum.
I'm delighted to say that the Scissor Sisters shit-fest has been toppled from the top by this new release from Razorlight.
Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum.
Tom Cruise finally releases picture of new baby...
Myself, Sausages, Bilfy and Mr. Bergstrom took a 400 mile road trip to pick up Sausages new car, a 1977 Ford Mustang from some place called Lytham...
Here's a 15 minute video to prove it. Like it needed proving. Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum. |
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