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Pope kidnapped by extremists...An unparalleled controversy began yesterday as the news broke of the kidnapping of the eighteenth century English poet Alexander Pope by extremist librarians thought to be working for The Society of Chief Librarians.
"The guys back at HQ were shocked at the news. We were hoping his death 272 years ago would have prevented this very tragedy from happening" said a spokesperson for the Department of Abducted Laureates. In a videotaped message released yesterday, Pope was said to look 'calm but alert' while reading from a pre written statement most likely written by his captors. "The message was clear, to meet the demands or Pope would not live to see another day"
Pope, the world famous dead translator of the Iliad, was also accused in the statement, of bias translation showing The Society of Chief Librarians in a bad light. Some librarians maintain that during his translation of the Greek poet Homer's work he failed to correctly translate the greek word for librarian, instead claiming the English word was homosexual.
Speaking from her doorstep, Pope's wife Barbara was clearly stunned. "I woke up this morning and there he was...gone!" "I hope he comes back soon as his toast will go cold. As it does every morning."
The world's largest independent lending library The London Library has issued a statement condemning the kidnapping but made clear that the captors were very serious. "While we here at the LL do not condone the action taken by this extremist faction, we do stress the point that recent studies have shown that only 78% of librarians were in fact homosexual." The Guild of Greek Lesbian Librarians was unavailable for comment. Jeff Baker - 18/09/06 Hate mail, comments, contributions and spam may be sent to send@crackerasscomedy.com or better still, go to the forum. |
